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Southern UK Jive
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Glenn
Newbie
Joined: 01 Jun 2010
Posts: 7
Location: Milton Keynes
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 Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 5:31 pm Post subject: |
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| Michael H wrote: | Just to put a slightly different slant on it we - Michael and Janice - do not get asked to dance often, plus we are occasionaly refused. We have often discussed this and asked ourselves why? And wonder if it is because the experienced dancers are watched by quite a number of people who sit/stand and spectate, and when they are asked by the experienced dancers they are intimidated by what they have seen.
The contibuters here we are experienced dancers, and all the ladies are a pleasure to dance with, and people watch and note their abilities. The not so good men are intimidated by what they see, and being men cannot risk being seen as inferior. So ladies please don't take as personal - without knowing it they really are giving you a complement. And its their loss. |
Hi Mike, I know what you mean here..i have been dancing for around 9 months..so still in infancy compared to a lot. I would like to think am now a reasonable lead for my time on the floor...but with loads yet to learn.
I still find it slightly intimidating dancing with a really good dancer, and sometimes my lead suffers because of it, so occasionally avoid asking certain females at my local venue.
That said (back on topic) I have never refused when asked, even if not too confident about it.
From the male perspective, i have never had a downright no; (and no superstar looks either); but have asked some ladies who seemed to be v good dancers, but clearly would rather have been in a Tesco shopping queue than with me on the floor.
Conversly I was asked by a brilliant young dancer ( i had been watching her & her dance partner practice) at a freestyle; i was gobsmacked and thought OMG, but she seemed to be really enjoying herself ( and so did i ) and thanked me afterward v poiltely... and she knocked spots off the other one.... so it takes all sorts. |
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Bungle
Casual Poster
Joined: 06 Jan 2010
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 7:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Michael H wrote: | Just to put a slightly different slant on it we - Michael and Janice - do not get asked to dance often, plus we are occasionaly refused. We have often discussed this and asked ourselves why? And wonder if it is because the experienced dancers are watched by quite a number of people who sit/stand and spectate, and when they are asked by the experienced dancers they are intimidated by what they have seen.
The contibuters here we are experienced dancers, and all the ladies are a pleasure to dance with, and people watch and note their abilities. The not so good men are intimidated by what they see, and being men cannot risk being seen as inferior. So ladies please don't take as personal - without knowing it they really are giving you a complement. And its their loss. |
Years ago, when I first started MJ, I actually found some of the more experienced dancers quite terrifying to dance with. I was frightened of doing something wrong and I found the amount of force they used in their connection with me quite distracting.
Fortunately I've progressed to the point where I don't really feel intimidated no matter who asks me, and I generally ask anyone without worrying whether they're 'too good' for me; I've also learned to appreciate the benefit of a good connection.
The only thing that sometimes puts me off asking is if two people appear very 'couply' together, if they look like they've only really turned up to dance with each other then I'll often leave them to it; breaking them up by asking one of them to dance can feel like an intrusion. |
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The-G-Man
Regular
Joined: 23 Feb 2009
Posts: 70
Location: Bournemouth/Poole
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| Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 8:47 pm Post subject: |
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Wow its like reading short stories when you look at this thread.
I know am not a saint but try not to say no for a dance but sometimes i do say lets dance to the next track as I would get a full dance with the lady then.
If i have said no and didnt give a good reason Id like to apologise now to those who have asked.
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Learn, Have fun and Help Others.
Monday Nights Wild @ the Woodlands
Tuesday Nights Real @ the Royal
www.thething.uk.com |
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hryn
Newbie
Joined: 21 Aug 2009
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 12:25 am Post subject: |
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Wow, I didn't realise it was this complicated. I personally never ask anyone to dance on the basis that I feel guilty that they are expected to say yes and might really hate dancing with me, the only exceptions are the people that have asked me so many times before that I figure it's safe to assume they must enjoy it. I've also always assumed that anyone who wants to dance with me will ask.
However I now realise that my not asking people may make them think; I'm stuck up/I don't like the way they look/I'm lazy/I don't like the way they dance/I only like dancing with a few select people.
I also find out that the people who never ask me may not think I'm rubbish/ugly/etc but could just be shy/think I'm too good (haha)/be worried about being turned down.
When will this madness end?!!! Maybe we should get rid of this whole asking thing and at the end of every dance you just have to shut your eyes, spin round three times, open your eyes and dance with who ever you are facing. |
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hryn
Newbie
Joined: 21 Aug 2009
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 12:46 am Post subject: |
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By the way.... I have never turned a dance down and enjoy dancing with anyone who seems to be having a good time.
But.... thanks to this thread I do now realise that I shouldn't always expect the guys to take the risk and ask, so next freestyle I will attempt to ask people, just be warned that if you say no I will stand in front of you and cry really loudly so everyone looks  |
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Glenn
Newbie
Joined: 01 Jun 2010
Posts: 7
Location: Milton Keynes
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| Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 7:44 am Post subject: |
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| Nicky wrote: |
My own experiences have knocked my confidence to the point where I very rarely feel brave enough to ask a guy for a dance. The most recent incident kept me away from Hamworthy for several weeks..... I approached a group of four men who were standing on the edge of the dancefloor, and asked if any of them would like to dance. All four shook their heads, and one replied, "I would never ask you to dance!"..... So courteous! |
Thats disgusting behaviour... I suppose you would know if they were regulars.but looks like they were purely there just to "pull", and probably never the types to use forums like this ! Spread it around about there behaviour, and maybe they'll get a load of refusals themselves |
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Dizzybee
Frequent Poster
Joined: 28 Dec 2008
Posts: 205
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| Posted: Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | But.... thanks to this thread I do now realise that I shouldn't always expect the guys to take the risk and ask, so next freestyle I will attempt to ask people, just be warned that if you say no I will stand in front of you and cry really loudly so everyone looks |
Hi Hryn.. Glad this thread has giving you the courage to ask, its not easy sometimes and we all hate rejection, it does nothing for our morale,!!. I've been turned down a few times and my gem of a reply now is, "Thats ok, I only ask once".. it certainly pricks their conscience. It does what it says on the tin  and no way am I sitting on my backside all night, so I ask and I dance.. Simples 
The venue I was at this weekend, I sat by and watched a female who bluntly turned down a male dancer,..I was horrified, I could see he was so disappointed and standing in limbo, I got up, went and grabbed his hand and said "I'm horrified of what I've just seen, come on lets dance", he said "yes I was knocked back a touch, nevermind and thanks" he said "for coming to rescue me". We had a great dance. My gain her loss 
www.dizzybee.ewebsite.com
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Dance With Your Heart & Your Feet Will Follow.DB |
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Bungle
Casual Poster
Joined: 06 Jan 2010
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Thu Aug 12, 2010 8:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Dizzybee wrote: | | I got up, went and grabbed his hand and said "I'm horrified of what I've just seen, come on lets dance" |
That's really thoughtful of you. 
One of my most memorable refusals came from a lady who it later transpired was waiting to dance with someone who was already engaged on the dance floor. It was quite early on in the evening and there weren't that many people to dance with. I crossed from one side to the other of a very large and rather empty dance floor and she said no. I walked back to my seat and sat down, hoping that the rest of the night would be a lot better than the start. When the track finished she got up and tried to grab the man she had been waiting for, but he couldn't be separated from his current partner, she ended up sitting out 3-4 tracks because the same happened at the end of the next few tracks. My friend had been to the bar, when I told her what had happened she said 'That's Karma for you!' |
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